Posted on February 13, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

I am completing eight months of rehab.  And it’s not what you might think at first blush.   I am rehabbing from running two marathons last spring.  My body strongly urged me to take an extended rest … as did my wife, so now my exercise consists mainly of walking.  I walk to and from work once a day and in my travels I have become a keen observer of sidewalk etiquette.  There is none.

A sidewalk used to be a place for safe passage but now it has become a freeway of out of control walkers, bikers and boarders.   I have learned to keep my head up.  I taught my children defensive driving and now I practice defensive walking.

Is there such a thing as the polite use of technology?   When we were kids, transistor radios were all the rage.   Who can forget ( or remember ) the “rocket radios” that we used to discreetly tuck into our shirt pockets to listen to a World Series ball game while sitting in class at school?   Today we are assaulted by technology as cell phones, iPods, iPads and tablets have become as ubiquitous as seagulls at a landfill.

I love walking down the sidewalk observing three teenagers walking abreast.  When they have their heads down and are madly texting, it is conceivable that they don’t notice me coming.  But when they are staring straight ahead and force you onto the road or an adjacent lawn, wouldn’t you just love to have a hockey stick and just give them the old butt end.

So many people who populate our sidewalks today are borderline zombies.  Listening to music on their iPods while simultaneously texting makes them impervious to other forms of life.  Their heads are usually down.  They wouldn’t remember Gordie Howe but if they did, they would know that elbows are used for things other than resting your arms.   I have threatened on numerous occasions to stand in the middle of the sidewalk and let a collision happen just to make a point.

All of these things are mildly annoying but certainly not life threatening. Today was one of those days that I didn’t have to worry about sharing the sidewalks with anyone.  To put it mildly, the walking conditions were challenging.   A mix of rain and heavy snow had rendered the sidewalk the consistency of pea soup.  Despite the valiant efforts of the town’s snow removal crew the sidewalks were a mess. School was cancelled and there wasn’t one other pedestrian on the two kilometre walk to work.  But there were vehicles on the road.

As I tiptoed my way down the sidewalk, trying to navigate lakes of slush, a truck came along going too fast for the conditions.  All of the other vehicles I met were respectful and slowed down to prevent me from having a slush bath.  Not this one.  The driver, with cigarette in one hand and a cell phone planted in his ear in the other, roared past.  Can you spell A.R.S.E.H.O.L.E.?

When my rehab ends, I plan to lace up my sneakers and head for the back roads where there are no sidewalks… or humans.

 

 

Posted on February 12, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

Raising children has always been a demanding job, plain and simple.  From the moment they are born, they require constant attention and as they get older, their needs change.  Today’s parents are faced with a dizzying array of options when it comes to furnishing  the house with the most technologically advanced pieces of “child safe” equipment.   And if you think the interior of the house poses challenges, just step outside and try and put your child into your car.  Before you even think of doing this, you must first take a course in mechanical engineering.  It wasn’t always this way.

When I was growing up there weren’t any seat belts, let alone car seats, and miraculously we survived.  We would drive to the beach in the summer, with the car jammed to the rafters with kids, food, buckets and shovels.  We would be elbowing and jostling and occasionally crawling over one another when tempers flared.  Back then child restraints were in the form of threats of eternal damnation.

When did things go so terribly wrong?  When did the free world come to the conclusion that a small child needed to be buckled in like an astronaut at liftoff or a Nascar driver at the start line?  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m all for child safety and recognize the need for car seats.  However, they leave something to be desired when it comes to simplicity.  It wouldn’t be so bad if car seats were the only pieces of child equipment that required a degree in physics to assemble.  Cribs, playpens and high chairs, with their dire safety warnings, are also a landmine for new parents.  I am showing my age.  Apparently these are no longer the politically correct names for these items.

When our children were young, I tried to install a car seat.  Once.  But car seat rage set in and I came to the conclusion that by the time I figured out how to do this, the baby would have outgrown the seat and then I would be faced with installing the next version.  Thankfully my wife had the patience and aptitude to do this or I fear that none of our children would have gone anywhere until they were ten.

And have you noticed all the warning labels?  They make it sound like you are approaching a hazardous waste site.  There’s some truth to that.  After all, the task at hand is just about as dangerous and confounding as splitting the atom.  They rarely put a toll free number in the instruction manual for fear of verbal abuse when a sleep deprived mother of a new born is trying to install a car seat.  And can you imagine if the designer ever showed up in the neighborhood?  Hell hath no fury.

Every parent has at one time or another inadvertently left a child alone in the car for a few minutes.  Admit it. You have.  But fear not, the child could not possibly extricate himself from the seat unless he was related to Houdini.

If road rage weren’t bad enough, now we have car seat rage.  The horse and buggy might make a comeback.

Posted on February 11, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

Just about everybody in Atlantic Canada is still digging out from the weekend storm. I think a lot of people took the time to get some stuff done around the house and also get caught up on some reading. I am told that traffic on Facebook was heavy.

It is Valentine’s week and in this weeks Casket, you will be treated to a humorous story by my friend and colleague, Phil Milner. It is great collaborating with Phil who is an excellent wordsmith. For the foreseeable future, we will be presenting our stories on alternating weeks in The Casket. If you like what you see and read, please fire off an e-mail to the editor. editor@thecasket.ca

I will be going to the seniors apartment complex this Thursday for our now regular bi-weekly story exchange. I was over there on the weekend visiting my mother and they were already talking about it.

As you know, I am new to the world of blogging. The blog has been up and running for a few weeks now and on the weekend, surpassed 500 views. If you would be so kind as to forward my blog address to friends and family that would be appreciated.

My next story for The Casket will be about the demise of the penny. I had a lot of fun writing this one. It will be posted on my blog on February 20th. Between now and then I will post some others. Stay tuned. And don’t hesitate to send along story ideas.