Posted on May 14, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

With the hockey playoffs in full swing, the next story ( Wednesday ) is timely. Just about every town in Canada has a rink. This is a story about the old memorial Rink on the campus of St.F.X. University. It is very much a “local” story full of nostalgia. The names in the story will evoke powerful images for people of my age.

While the story is local, the themes are universal: getting up very early to go to the rink; the sights and smells; thrilling hockey games and skating parties. And of course, the local characters who will be forever identified with the rink. Those of you not from Antigonish will just have to write your own version and replace the names with your own local legends.

Sports can be very cruel and my heart goes out to Leafs fans. While I am not a Leaf fan, I still cheer for Canadian teams once my team gets eliminated, which is the case this year. Some losses are tougher than others and Monday night’s will be very hard to digest. Sometimes it’s not about losing that is painful but it is about how the game was lost. Ouch!

 

Posted on May 12, 2013 under Storytelling with 2 comments

When was the last time that you listened to someone telling you a bold faced lie?  There’s probably a 50/50 chance that it was a politician on the campaign trail, shilling for your vote, prior to an election.  They will tell you anything to get you to vote for them.  And they will agree with anything you say.  If you told them that your mother was really your father, they would heartily endorse this surprising turn of events.

Historically, Pinocchio gets the rap as one of the biggest liars of all time.  He was somewhat prone to exaggeration and the fabrication of stories.  Caricaturists who employ a long nose in their political cartoons are making a point.

Right up there with Mr. Long Nose himself, we could add to the long list of people who often stretch the truth.  Some used car salesmen are notorious embellishers and many telemarketers would sell their first born to get you to say yes to their pitch.  And back in the ‘60’s, door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesmen were the ultimate hucksters.

Those of us who have raised teenagers have witnessed the truth standing on its head more than once. Where have you heard this conversation before?  “Where were you last night?”   “Out.”  “Who were you with?”  “Friends.”  “What did you do?”  “Nothing.”   These monosyllabic grunts do not necessarily qualify as lies.  However, if they volunteer one extra word, then you know that they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

I propose a few things that will save us a lot of time and effort.  The first one is a lie detector.  We should all be equipped with a portable lie detector apparatus.  I’m sure that mobile phone companies could develop an app for this purpose.  All you would have to do, when you got a whiff of lies or bullshit, is to pull out your phone, hold it in front of the offensive object (the liar) and it would immediately emit a beep.  This would save a lot of time and aggravation.

The other item is called Bullshit Repellent.  The moment you know you’re being snowed, simply remove the cap and spray it in the general direction of the aggrandizer.  Lay it on thick, just like he is doing. 

I was at my local convenience store the other day.  Two long-serving and affable clerks were manning the cash registers.  A well-known character was chatting them up.  He was, putting it politely, “giving them the gears”.  I pulled out my cell phone and showed them the picture of the can of Bullshit Repellent.  Can you imagine the pile of crap and lies they hear on a daily basis?  They immediately ordered a case as they thought they would need more than one can to get them through even one day at work.

And how about female bartenders?  They would likely go through a can just about every minute of their shift.

I believe that the motto of my old high school was “Veritas Vos Liberabit” which translated means, “The truth shall set you free”.  So will Bullshit Repellent.

Posted on May 11, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

Wouldn’t it be great if we could bottle the “feel” of weekends? They’re too short and there’s always too many things to do but for those of us lucky enough not to have to work on the weekend, they are two days to be treasured.

There are many things going on in our community this weekend. Despite controversy in the local fisheries with lobster prices, the annual Arisaig Lobster dinner will be held. The Farmer’s Market is back up and running so we will definitely be making an appearance there.

 There are three musical events that I am aware of ( probably more ). They are all fundraisers and knowing our community, they will all be well supported. Two of them are for the Walsh family who lost their home and all their belongings a few weeks ago. For you ex-patriots, this would be Tilly and Lorraine Walsh. Less than six months ago, their oldest son, Johnathan died, so this has been a very difficult time for the family. I am coordinating the fundraising so any of you who knew Tilly and Lorraine and would like to help out,  can send a donation to me payable to the “Walsh Fire Fund”.

One of the fundraisers is a CD launch being held tomorrow, Sunday May 12^th. between the hours of 4-7 at Piper’s Pub. This is the second CD produced by my daughter, Betsy called “ In Between the Hours”. It is an excellent piece of work, if I am allowed to add my unbiased comments! Betsy is donating the gate and all the proceeds of her CD to the Walsh family. If you want to hear some great music ( lots of Bluegrass ) please come out and join us. Not to discourage anyone, but I’m going to dust off the guitar and do a few tunes with Betsy and my son, Peter.

Now of course, tomorrow is Mother’s Day and the logical thing for me to do is post a sentimental story about mothers. Not a chance. I will leave all the flowery comments to others. My mother wouldn’t believe a word of it anyway so I’m going to take the risk of offending all mothers, and post a story that has nothing to do about this special day.

Here’s a hint: what do politicians, used car salesmen, vacuum cleaner salesmen and Pinocchio all have in common?

See you on Mother’s Day.

BTW. My mailing address is : 22 Ross Street, Antigonish, N.S. B2G 1C6