Posted on October 7, 2013 under Monday Morning Musings with 2 comments

                                                              ( Dave Brosha Photography )

Gosh. It’s hard for even a world class photographer like my nephew , Dave to make me look good. Of course he shoots landscapes and he hasn’t seen one quite like this in the north.

We’ll call this “Mistaken Identities 2 .” On the weekend I was attending Homecoming events at St.F.X. I went to the class dinner for the Class of ’73. I entered a room and it was filled with a bunch of old farts, until I realized that they were my classmates. Holy crap.  They’ve gotten old while I have somehow managed to remain so young looking. Yes, we have all changed and if you need any evidence, scroll to the bottom.  It is quite sobering to look around the room and realize that you are one of those old geezers that you used to look at when you had your 10th. reunion. We had a great time and Betty and I hosted them at our house for an evening of camaraderie and a few tunes. But not before a mixup.

Hands. How many people remember the movie “Cool Hand Luke?” Thought so. There is a famous line in the movie where the warden is speaking to the prisoner ( Paul Newman). Best line in the movie, hands down: “What we got here, is a failure to communicate.” The class picture was, how can I say this politely, a shit show. Poor Bernice, the photographer, was patiently (?) trying to get 40 or so reasonably lubricated senior citizens to organize themselves for the photo. It was just chaos, pure and simple.

 Knowing we had company coming to the house shortly, my wife decided that her time could be better used at home getting last minute things ready. Gee, why wouldn’t she rather hang around with a bunch of besotted people she didn’t even know? So off, she went leaving me carless… just one letter shy of careless. When the photo session ended, I hightailed it on foot, a pleasant walk of 2.5 kilometers. The streets were littered with students who had been drinking since early in the morning. I gave them a wide berth as I worried about a swarming. When I got home, I was surprised to see that the car wasn’t in the driveway. My guess was that Betty  was out getting some last minute items.

That is, until I entered the kitchen to find her there. She had taken a cab. I will spare you the discussion that ensued. Use your imaginations.

I walked down to the cathedral Sunday morning to pick up the car, only to discover that mass was on and that my car was completely boxed in by Christians. Penance for not listening closely to my wife the previous evening.

On a slightly more serious note, I attended the Georgetown Conference this past week on beautiful P.E.I. It was a gathering of people from every corner of Atlantic Canada who came on their own dime to address the challenges we face in our region. The conference theme was “Redefining Rural.” Many small towns and villages are in serious trouble with the decline of our once vibrant primary industries coupled with the out migration to the West of our citizens, young and old. We heard from many speakers about what they were doing in their communities to re-invent their economies. I have a piece coming out in this week’s Casket and would respectfully ask that you take a look at it.

I have a running story coming at you tomorrow. It is a true story…sort of. Well, it’s partially true except for the parts that I made up. All you runners will get a kick out of this. At one point in my running career, placing well in my age group was always a badge of honor until I realized that absolutely nobody, not even your wife or your dog, gives a shit about where you placed. This story is called “Pegged For Success.”

So, why would my fellow classmates not be able to recognize me after 40 years?

Posted on October 5, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet

Have you ever arrived at an event when you just know that you’re not in the right place?  It could be as simple as going to a wedding in an unfamiliar city and arriving at the church, the wrong church, not recognizing a single soul.  Or going to a conference at a major convention centre and viewing a power point presentation on the sex lives of snails, when you were expecting pre-retirement planning.

In a small university town, two friends were hosting an evening of story-telling in aid of a local charity.  Ticket sales had been brisk and the demographic was skewed in favor of an older crowd.  In the same campus building, just down the hall, was another production geared to a slightly different age group.  The poster on the wall, not far from the notice advertising the charity event, blared out the words highlighted in fuchsia …

“Sex Toy Bingo”

An elderly couple approached the entrance to the building, running a little bit behind schedule.  The man, slightly hearing-impaired and brandishing a cane, was assisted by his devoted life’s partner.  While her mobility was excellent, her vision was in decline.  To make matters worse, they had not purchased tickets in advance, much to the wife’s chagrin.

They stepped into the lobby of the building, a very busy and confusing place as the two events were being held simultaneously.  To their left was the sparkling new auditorium where the readings were taking place.  To their right, several paces away, was the room rented for sex toy bingo.

A flirtatious young couple, arm in arm, approached the building for an evening of amusement and titillation.  They had decided that a few drinks prior to the experience were in order, just to get them in the mood.  They had wisely purchased their tickets in advance, as these shows often sold out.  They entered the lobby and were met by a smartly dressed young usher, a nice touch but seemingly unnecessary, considering the type of entertainment that they were expecting.

The older couple took a hard right and the young couple entered to their left, having been directed by the usher to the entrance for people already holding tickets.

The young couple found the video montage very entertaining as they took their seats.  They didn’t spot the bingo apparatus or any other equipment for that matter as they stared at a stage with two stools and a podium.

The elderly couple tendered their money to a scantily clad woman holding a whip.  “What do you think that strap is for, Joe?”  Joe’s eyes wandered oh so briefly at the cleavage at eye level.

The lights dimmed in the auditorium as two men, hair thinning, approached the stage.  Introductions ensued followed by the first reading, an amusing tale about a local restaurant.

Across the hall the bingo caller announced that the first prize of the night, for completion of a line in any direction, was the latest edition of “The Joy of Sex”.  The old folks were slightly bewildered but decided not to make a scene.  But when an array of colourful curiosities made its appearance, they realized that they were in the wrong place.

Meanwhile, the young twosome had fallen fast asleep after listening to two of the most boring speakers they had ever heard.  They were politely asked to leave and stumbled up the stairs into the lobby.

They saw a pair of seniors coming down the corridor.  They looked an awful lot like her grandparents.

Posted on October 3, 2013 under Thursday Tidbits with 2 comments

Well, it’s back to the grind after an incredible week or so on the old rollercoaster that is life.

The fundraiser is over and the money is still coming in: a little over $6200 with more to come. Still hoping to hit $7500. My videographer is currently editing the footage taken at the event and I hope to have clips or even full stories to post on my website in the not too distant future. We are doing another performance in a few weeks time for the Sisters of St. Martha as they were unable to come to our show because of a retreat. We have had several requests to do another show sometime. Maybe we could do a Christmas special. We’ll see.

My book is in the home stretch. The stories have all been chosen and we’re just finalizing the cover picture and a few other house keeping items. Thought I would let you know that the official launch of the book is Thursday, December 5th. at 7:00 p.m. at People’s Place Library. If you would like to pre-order a copy from the original run, please let me know. I plan to do a few readings at the launch and will have books available for sale @ $14.99 . I will be accepting cash, Visa or Mastercard. Great for Christmas presents or the outhouse if you’re still using one. Refreshments will be served.

As mentioned earlier in the week, I have a story coming up called “Mistaken Identities.” The night of our fundraiser, there was another event going on just down the hallway: Sex Toy Bingo. I’m almost certain they don’t play this at the hall in Pomquet. The story centers around two couples and how taking a wrong turn resulted in some confusion.

My brother was home for the funeral last weekend . Did you see my story in The Casket? Some people who read this in other parts of the world and weren’t born here, thought that the name of the paper was part of the humour in the story. The story was, after all “buried” in the back section of The Casket. How good is that! Anyway, my brother was telling me about a race that he took part in many years ago where he finished first in his age group. He was startled by the result being a “middle of the pack” kind of guy. He came clean to me at our 5:15 a.m. coffee get together the other day. Look for the story “Pegged For Success” in the next week or so.

Just asking. Someone commented that my posts are too frequent. Fair or foul?

I’m off to the Georgetown conference in PEI today  and have my 40th homecoming from X this weekend.

And over 3000 views of “Lou’s Last Laugh.” Thanks for your support.