Posted on November 8, 2018 under Storytelling with 3 comments

Ikea. Too big to describe.

 

“Follow the yellow brick road”

Glinda. The Wizard of Oz.

Is it possible to get lost in a store? Certainly.  Now, you may not get lost at the 5 to $1.00, Sobey’s or even Walmart, but if you happen to be wandering through the new IKEA store in Dartmouth, getting lost is highly probable as you try and navigate 330,000 square feet of merchandise.

At the behest of my wife and daughter, and against all of my non shopper’s instincts, I agreed to go to IKEA in Dartmouth last weekend. Normally I would have to be shackled to go into a large shopping venue but I was curious to see what all the fuss was about. Having downsized and trying to live by the mantra “slow down and have less”, going shopping for household items seemed somewhat counterintuitive.

We also had our granddaughter in tow so naturally the first stop upon entering the store was the supervised children’s play area. It took longer to check her in than to clear U.S. Customs. A parent has one hour of uninterrupted shopping provided their child makes friends quickly. If not, the parent is paged with one of those locator gizmos that they have in restaurants. After seeing the size of IKEA, it is entirely possible that you could leave your five year old in the play area and find out that they are old enough to enter university by the time you have investigated every item in the store.

I grabbed the Saturday Chronicle Herald expecting that boredom would quickly set in.

I resisted the temptation to accompany my wife and daughter and headed into the belly of the whale.  I was told to follow the arrows on the floor to avoid getting lost. It didn’t take long for me to get the impression that the only thing comparable in complexity to this behemoth of aisles and shortcuts was the Riverbreeze Corn Maze in Truro. At one point during my 30,000 step jaunt, there was a disconsolate lady somewhere in the kitchen section asking a sales clerk how to get out of the store. They suggested downloading the Google Maps app.

After dispatching the ground level in record time, I made my way to the second floor to have a coffee in the cafeteria. The lineups reminded me of those all you can eat buffets in Vegas. However, IKEA is clever and knows that there are people like me who just want a coffee and a cinnamon roll. To my relief, I found out that I didn’t have to get in the large queues. I knocked off a few words of the New York Times crossword puzzle while caffeinating.

I must admit that the signage in the store is excellent. For people like me who are extremely challenged putting furniture together (or anything else for that matter), the most important sign is “We Assemble”.

I am not a shopper and understand my limitations so I try my best to avoid saying or doing anything that might expose my ignorance. Silence and avoiding scrutiny are excellent strategies. Sadly, there are others who don’t recognize their shortcomings and human frailty. While passing through the bedroom showroom, there was a guy trying out a bed. Fully shod (maybe he was a horse or a horse’s ass), he climbed into the bed and tucked himself under the covers. This is not totally surprising. The store is so large that it is possible to develop a romantic relationship during your stay. Maybe this guy was getting ready to propose.

Do you know how to hang a curtain rod? I can hang a load of laundry on the clothesline but DO NOT put me in the line of fire of tools. Apparently there are people more inept than me, hard as that is to believe. While passing through the curtain section I overheard this little gem of an exchange. The salesperson patiently and diligently explained the process and suggested that he put screws in the studs if possible. The befuddled (stunned) male then asked the following question: “Do you have studs for purchase?” I was sorely tempted to jump in and suggest that he contact the Calumet stud farm in Lexington, Kentucky.

I continued to “follow the yellow brick road” (the arrowed floor path is actually grey) and arrived at the checkout area. Have you ever been to Costco around Christmas time? Mere child’s play compared to IKEA’s checkout area on a Saturday afternoon. The only redeeming feature of this terrifying locale is an ice cream stand once you get through.

I reconnected with the gals. I thought my granddaughter had aged. I know I had.

After this experience, I now understand what IKEA means: I Know Every Aisle.

 

Posted on November 5, 2018 under Monday Morning Musings with no comments yet

It took some time, but I have eradicated the apartment of Halloween candy.

 

I have posted close to 1000 stories on my website. Most of them are light hearted but occasionally I’ll wade into shark infested waters and comment on some controversial subject or wax philosophical. While I take my writing seriously, I try not to take myself too seriously. Most stories generate a handful of comments, private e-mails and “likes” on Facebook. Once in a while, I’ll hit one out of the park and I’ll get tons of feedback which I always find entertaining.

So when I posted a harmless picture of 5 mini Coffee Crisp chocolate bars on Facebook, the remnants of Halloween, I was astonished at the reaction. I can’t remember the last time that a picture, accompanied by two sentences, received so much attention. My guess is that we’re all worn out with bad news and any story about chocolate is a good news story. For those of you who choose not to engage with social media, I was expounding on the merits of a breakfast comprised of coffee followed by 5 mini Coffee Crisp chocolate bars.

I think we all had a good laugh which is good for the soul. Someone mentioned that these same chocolate bars were on sale the day after at a 50% discount. Yes, one could purchase 100 of these delectable morsels for the low, low price of $4.44 or about 4 cents each. Now the temptation is to go out and load up on these treats but there’s a trick buried amidst this buying bonanza. Apparently one can freeze these bars so the theory suggests that you buy several boxes and freeze them until next October 31^st. I can assure you, and I suspect I’m not alone, that if I bought even one box and put them in the freezer, they would not survive until Remembrance Day in six days’ time. I see you nodding. So much for a deal!

Do you have a story to tell? Surely you must be tired of my writing by now. You might like to hear a story from someone else. Hell, you might even want to see one of your own stories published right here at Week45. Coming soon, “Guest of Honor” where my readers will have the opportunity to have one of their stories published. Send me your story (500 words or so- preferably a Word document). Keep it clean and non- political. Send me a picture of yourself or something to go along with your story. I retain the right to edit. Bring it on.

Once again, those of you not on Facebook can ignore this next paragraph. A few weeks ago on my morning walk, I was humming a tune. I had my phone with me, recorded one minute of the song and posted it on Facebook. People must be awfully bored because they reacted and I received a lot of feedback. So, I did it again and again. Until Facebook shuts me down or until all 2100 FB followers unfriend me, I’ll keep this going for a while, mostly on the weekends. Have a song that’s on your “must hear” list? Send it along.

I close on a very sad note. David Miller, former owner of McDonald’s restaurants in Antigonish and Port Hawkesbury, passed away last week. David and his wife, Aida, came to our community thirty years ago and immediately made an impact on our town. They both have worked tirelessly to promote the arts in Antigonish. David’s energy and vision will be sorely missed. In case you missed it, I reposted a story about David that I wrote in 2014. https://www.week45.com/davids-dream-2/

Have a great week.

P.S. Chatting with a 96 year old friend the other day, I asked him how he was doing. “The first 100 years are the hardest,” was his reply!

Posted on November 2, 2018 under Storytelling with no comments yet

This story was previously posted in 2014. David Miller left us yesyerday and what a legacy he left behind. Thank you David for your tireless efforts to make Antigonish a better place to live.

 

“I have an idea.”

And with those few words, a twenty-six year conversation began between David Miller and me.  David and his wife and soul mate, Aida Arnold, arrived in Antigonish in 1988 to open a McDonald’s restaurant.

I was on Town Council at the time and had three small children.  A fourth was soon to follow.  McDonald’s quickly became a magnet for families, especially families with youngsters like ours.  David and Aida became engaged in the community almost instantaneously.  And we are all the better for it.

Sometimes you have to step back from the forest to see the trees.  They saw the great potential that Antigonish town and county had at their fingertips, right from the word go.  And they have both been bringing ideas, energy and enthusiasm to many worthwhile endeavours since the day they landed here.

Aida was one of the driving forces behind “Communities in Bloom”.  Just walk around town and see all of the beautiful flowers hanging from posts and buildings, or overflowing from boxes adjacent to shops and stores along the Main.

During the recent street fair held in the downtown core, I was talking with an old neighborhood friend who spends her summers here.  Aida happened by, and once introductions were made, my friend said that in all her travels, the McDonald’s in Antigonish was her absolute favorite.  I don’t think it was because of the fries.  Their fries are always the best, whichever outlet you go to.

No.  It wasn’t the Big Macs either.  Our local McDonald’s franchisees festooned the interior of their building with local art and brought it to life with beautiful and unique landscaping outside.  I agree with my friend.  I have never been to a McDonald’s that was more esthetically pleasing or welcoming.

For many years I heard David talk about the local cultural scene.  He was always passionate in his support of actors, musicians and all manner of artists and artisans.

And, he had a dream.

On many occasions he asked me “What can we be doing to promote the area?”  Recently, he answered his own question with the creation of the Antigonish Art Fair.  While he will point out, in his self-effacing way, that many others were responsible, he was, and is, the driving force behind this bold new initiative.

The Antigonish Art Fair has begun with a series of five “Art in the Park” events, showcasing the immeasurable creative richness of our community.  The idea is to turn Antigonish into a cultural mecca; a not-to-miss destination for art tourism.

The Fair was launched a few weeks ago.  I had a bird’s eye view of the proceedings, acting as Master of Ceremonies.  The event was held at Chisolm Park, on the banks of the Brierly Brook.  Staring out from the gazebo, I could see dozens and dozens of artists showing their works.  There was a children’s corner and lots of tasty food from around the world. The dignitaries cut the ribbon and moments later, David’s dream unfolded like the first flowers in spring.

We were entertained by an eclectic mix of entertainment on the stage at the gazebo. Everything from very young Highland dancers, to a fire eater and belly dancers.  Chisholm Park is named after the late Mayor, Colin Herman Chisholm.  As I watched the belly dancers, I smiled, wondering how Collie Herman would have enjoyed this particular exhibition.  He would have thought it was just fine.

The Antigonish Arts Fair is up and running.  We are thankful for David’s vison and unbridled enthusiasm.

Stealing a line from McDonald’s, “We’re lovin’ it”.

Thanks, David.