A Host of Problems
Posted on March 16, 2013 under Storytelling with no comments yet
The pilgrims have left St. Peter’s Square. The fifty-six hundred or so accredited media have packed up their cameras, looking for the next big buzz. After several weeks of hype, conjecture, pomp and circumstance, we have a new Pope. Francis 1 checked out of his lodgings and paid his own bill in order to collect valuable Air Miles. Many of us have one giant conclave hangover. A mere puff of white smoke brought Argentina to Rome and indeed the world. But what fate befalls Emeritus Pope Benedict?
Speculation is still rife about the former Pope’s decision to pack it in. The official line from the Vatican press is that Benedict felt he was too old and infirm to carry on. But the bottom line is that he quit his job. He and his handlers must now face a very uncertain future. Is it possible that the Curia was unaware of sweeping changes to the Employment Insurance rules?
When Pope Francis 1 signs Benedict’s Record of Employment, he must in all good conscience, indicate that the reason for issuing this document is that the former pontiff quit his job. Officials at the Employment Insurance office will be as surprised as anyone with the news. So far they have received a severe backlash from seasonal workers over the proposed changes including tougher qualifying standards. Once unemployed, claimants will have to be more diligent in documenting their efforts to find work, travel farther to secure employment and may have to settle for something less than their ideal job.
Because he quit, Benedict won’t get his first pogey cheque for several weeks. A special collection will be held at churches around the world to get him through the waiting period. The Pontiff Pogey Project.
Is it possible that the former Pope was fired or pushed to step down? Did “pustch” come to shove? We certainly hope not because there’s only one thing worse than being a quitter, and that’s being a rabble rouser and getting yourself fired. The optics are very poor.
Retirement is not a possibility for the ex -Pontiff. As he pledged a vow of poverty, he has no RRSP savings and apparently has not taken advantage of the new Tax Free Savings Accounts. A recent audit found that he has very little disposable cash. His coin collection will be virtually worthless now that the penny is no longer legal tender.
So what is Benedict to do? Several blueberry and apple growers in the Annapolis Valley are looking for seasonal migrant workers. And local lobster fishermen are looking for a few good men to bait traps and band the lobsters. He could, of course, become a department store greeter and welcome people in ten different languages.
If all else fails, he could use his influence, earthly and otherwise, to get a seat in the Canadian Senate. The pay and perks are excellent and you only have to show up a couple of times a year and prove that you can inhale and exhale. I mean, it’s better than the lottery corporation’s “Set for Life” game.
A retirement party will be held for Benedict at the local Club 60. Best wishes only.
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