Posted on May 3, 2023 under Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom with no comments yet

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump (To the tune of the William Tell Overture)

 

Last Saturday, I woke with a man cold.

Let that sink in.

What was I to do? It was a four-alarm fire. I thought about calling 911, 811, 211. Next on my list of emergency contacts was EHS (Emergency Health Services). I felt so awful, I contemplated calling our two local funeral homes to put them on notice. You get the picture.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I decided to go for a walk… to the local landfill.

It was a glorious morning as I strapped on my backpack and grabbed my walking poles. Leaving the confines of the town, I marched up the first of many hills on the Beech Hill Road. I chose this unusual destination for two reasons: The 17km roundtrip provides a very good cardiac workout and the view of our lovely town, just across the road from the County offices is one of the best you can find. I stopped for a few moments admiring the splendour of the morning. I decided to post a short video on FB. When I mentioned that I was going to the dump, a few people messaged me, poking a bit of fun at my choice of destination.

That got me to thinking, a dangerous proposition at the best of times. What would happen if I pulled up lame on the side of the road and someone stopped to assist me? “Where are you heading, Len?” “I’m going to the dump.” “I can give you a lift. Do you wish to be recycled or are you considered solid waste, possibly hazardous waste?”

There is one very long hill along this route. Just as I began to make my ascent, a dog bolted from a nearby property and came charging at me, growling with ferocity. There was a time in my life that I had an innate fear of dogs after getting bitten in the arse as a youngster. But now, I realize that most dogs are harmless and when they come running at you, they are merely protecting their property. Rather than developing a defensive posture, I have learned that encouraging the dog to come to me and holding out a non-threatening hand, is a much better strategy. The owner of the dog exhorted his four-legged protector to return home. I bent down on one knee and was introduced to Nova. After gaining permission from its owner, I patted Nova and she actually tried to lick my face.

The landfill road is a dead end. I turned around when I reached the end of the line, and having noticed a DOT (Department of Transportation) sawhorse on a side road, I pulled off the road to have a nutrition break.

Show of hands. How many of you like peanut butter? Quite a few, I see. I had prepared a peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat bread. I sat on the sawhorse and took the first bite. I was immediately transported back in time to my youth when a peanut butter sandwich was a staple when we used to go and play in the woods for countless hours. Eating a PB sandwich outdoors is exquisite. Location is everything as real estate agents often opine.

I took off my baseball cap and felt the breeze in my hair (singular). I listened to an industrious woodpecker nearby and heard the distinct cries of an eagle. It’s not easy to equate paradise with a landfill that’s only a kilometer away but I felt very much at peace.

I was about one kilometer from home when I heard the sirens of an ambulance coming up behind me. Whenever an EHS vehicle speeds by, I know that somebody is having a bad day. Some poor soul inside that vehicle was in distress.

I speculated that it might have been a male suffering from a man cold, whose symptoms had escalated to include headaches and postnasal drip.

Have a great weekend.

P.S. “In a society that has you counting money, pounds, calories and steps, be a rebel and count your blessings instead.” Lisa Heckman

Posted on April 12, 2023 under Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom with 4 comments

 

 

Organ recital. (1)

An organ recital is a concert at which music specially written for the organ is played. The music played at such recitals is typically written for pipe organ, which includes church organs, theater organs and symphonic organs.

Organ recital. (2)

A group of senior citizens sitting in a coffee shop discussing their ailments.

I was blessed to have grown up in a musical household. We were reared on music and powdered milk… and a wooden yard stick on the arse, when required. I must admit that the music was much more palatable than powdered milk. As small children we were transported to the White Cliffs of Dover and discovered that it was a Long Way to Tipperary. Big band music put us In The Mood and when we got restless, we could climb aboard The Chattanooga Choo Choo. Bach, Beethoven and The Beatles. Music of all genres was the one constant in our house.

Growing up as a Catholic, going to church was mandatory. This is where I first heard thunderous music emanating from the massive pipe organ in the loft at Tigh Dhe. I was hooked. Over the decades, I had a front row seat in the senior choir watching the staggeringly talented James MacPherson produce heavenly music.

I love organ music and my dream is to someday sit in Temple Square in Salt Lake City (home of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir) and hear a recital on the massive pipe organ housed in this iconic facility.

The next time you’re in a coffee shop or any place that seniors might gather, tilt your head to the side and listen in to the conversation. I know that it’s not polite to eavesdrop but there’s a good chance that these folks won’t see you, hear you, or remember that you were in their presence.

I can all but guarantee you that they will be discussing one of two things: their grandchildren or gout; their grandchildren or glaucoma; their grandchildren or gastroenteritis; their grandchildren or gall stones. Now this is what I call an organ recital.

“Love hurts. Love scars.” Nazareth. Love may hurt but not nearly as much as a senior’s joints.

I was at a dinner last week and everyone around the table was north of 70. Yes, the conversation was lively with talk of the indictment of a former president among other things (Jail House Rock?) but every one of us had a health story, whether our own or someone we knew.

Petula Clark had it right back in 1966. “It’s a sign of the times”. That was 57 years ago. Fifty-seven.

“Everybody’s got a hungry heart.” So says Bruce Springsteen. These days almost everyone has a heart valve.

“Come on baby, let’s do the twist.” Sorry Chubby. With all of the hip replacements, twisting is not an option. And if you were foolhardy enough to and try and do the twist at an advanced age it would be more like “Twist and shout.”

There is still hope of romance for seniors. The Flamingos famously crooned, “I only have eyes for you.” There’s a very easy explanation for that. Most seniors have cataracts and can’t see past the tip of their noses.

While losing hair can hardly be considered a cause for consternation, “Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair; shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen”. Did the Cowsills actually have fans?

I could go on and on… and on, as many seniors are wont to do if you give them an inch, but you get the picture. If you’re not talking about health, you’re certainly thinking about it.

I would love to go to an organ recital one of these days but if all else fails, I’ll just go to Tim Horton’s in the morning and pull up a seat next to a bunch of grey hairs.

If you want to hear about Harry’s hernia, Al’s arthritis, Steve’s spleen, or Charlie’s cholesterol, just turn up your hearing aids.

Have a great weekend.

Posted on March 29, 2023 under Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom with no comments yet

 

 

 

 

Having time to read is such a gift

 

I stumbled across this a few weeks ago and thought it was worth sharing.

Simple Formula For Living. Author Unknown

1.Live beneath your means.

2. Return everything you borrow.
3. Stop blaming other people.
4. Admit it when you make a mistake.
5. Give clothes not worn to charity.
6. Do something nice and try not to get caught.
7. Listen more; talk less.
8. Every day take a 30-minute walk.
9. Strive for excellence, not perfection.
10. Be on time. Don’t make excuses.
11. Don’t argue. Get organized.
12. Be kind to unkind people.
13. Let someone cut ahead of you in line.
14. Take time to be alone.
15. Cultivate good manners.
16. Be humble.
17. Realize and accept that life isn’t fair.
18. Know when to keep your mouth shut.
19. Go an entire day without criticizing anyone.
20. Learn from the past. Plan for the future.
21. Live in the present.
22. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

This is a pretty good blueprint for happiness.

Here is my interpretation:

1. Living below your means as a senior is pretty easy as I have discovered.
2. I borrowed a hair dryer 50 years ago. Don’t need one much these days. Time to return it.
3. Don’t blame me. I’m an old goat.
4. Admitting mistakes has become a full-time occupation.
5. I tried giving away my clothes to charity. They suggested that I keep them!
6. Yes. Be kind even when no one is looking.
7. Two ears. One mouth.
8. Hardly worth getting out of bed for just a 30-minute walk.
9. Perfectionists are colossal bores. Do your best.
10. Punctuality. My pet peeve although I’ve softened a bit in later life.
11. I have no argument with this one.
12. This might be the toughest one on the list. There are still bullies in this world.
13. Unless the person behind you is going to purchase lottery tickets.
14. Quiet time is a gift, but loneliness is a big problem for some people.
15. Excuse me.
16. “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble….” Mac Davis
17. No one skates through life without an elbow to the head.
18. My lips have holes in them.
19. Especially yourself. We all screw up from time to time.
20. Experience is a severe task master. The ultimate teacher.
21. Tell that to a baby boomer. Our heads are still stuck in the 60s (the 1960s!)
22. Don’s sweat the small stuff. Most of it is small stuff. Save your energy for the big stuff.

 

A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece about reincarnation. I was very adamant that I wanted to come back in the next life as a poodle after looking after Cooper in Victoria for a few weeks. I mentioned my envy, that on our early morning walks on the Dallas Road chip trail, people routinely stopped, scratched Cooper behind the ears, told him he was beautiful and often gave him a treat. The last day I walked Cooper before his owners returned from their vacation, my friend, Martine joined me, as she had done several times. After our walks, we often went to a coffee shop to solve world problems. The coffee and croissants were delicious but sadly, none of the world problems got solved. We were exiting the chip trail on the final day, and Martine leaned in. I thought that she was batting away a mosquito, but it was -1 and no self-respecting mosquito would be out this early in the day. She scratched me behind the ear, told me that I was beautiful and handed me an individually wrapped piece of chocolate.

I’m still chuckling.

Have a great weekend.