Holding The Purse Strings

Posted on December 31, 2013 under Storytelling with 2 comments

Is there anything more confounding to a man than a woman’s purse?  While I have never been accused of being urbane (i.e. sophisticated and debonair), I do have the audacity to carry a “man bag”.  A Michique unique, you might ask?  I don’t think so.  And what do I carry in my blue satchel?  A writing pad and a pen in case I get inspiration for a story.  I am usually toting a few files, maybe a book or two, and a bunch of keys.  And on the days when I can’t make it home for lunch, I will pack a sandwich.  Pretty basic stuff.

When I contemplate the great mysteries of our time, I wonder about the possibility of life on Mars.  And how do they get the caramel in a caramel bar?  But the greatest mystery involves the contents of a woman’s purse.

Just the other day, I was doing an appointment with one of my colleagues at our office in Port Hawkesbury.  You can see the parking lot from our office window.  We were expecting a couple to show up.  The wife exited the car carrying a purse that was truly enormous.  When I asked my buddy about the whereabouts of her husband, he surmised that he may have been in the purse.

I haven’t done a thorough investigation on the subject, but if “clothes make the man”, what can we say about purses?  Do purses reflect the personality of their owner?

Who holds the purse strings in your house?  I get an allowance for good behaviour but, every so often, I run out of cash and need to negotiate a low interest loan from my wife.  If she is busy when I make the request, I often hear these words: “Just go get the money from my wallet.  It’s in my purse.”

If Superman fears Kryptonite, then a man’s worst fear is putting his hand in a woman’s purse.  I might take my luck with a grain auger before driving my hand deep into the unknown bowels of a handbag.   What in god’s name do they carry in there anyways?   The contents of my carry-on luggage for a three week vacation could be held in one large purse.

If you thought finding your way through maze was tricky, try finding a wallet inside a woman’s purse.  It’s like a trip through the Everglades, looking for alligators at every bend in the river.  In every nook and cranny there lurk sinister looking objects.  And when you finally locate the wallet, you’ve only solved part of the riddle.  The wallets have many secret chambers.  I believe that The Beatles song, “Magical Mystery Tour’” was inspired when John went poking around in Yoko’s handbag.

The next time I run low on cash, I think I’ll just go to the shed and gather up the recyclables and head to the enviro-depot.  I understand empty wine bottles and beer cans.

A woman’s purse leaves me dazed and confused.

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