If The Shoe Fits

Posted on October 19, 2013 under Storytelling with 2 comments

We’ve all heard the expression “If the shoe fits, then wear it.”  But what if the damn shoe doesn’t fit?  What if it’s a size too small, causing you to have massive blisters?  Or too big, causing you to stumble as if you’ve had one too many?  Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes suddenly doesn’t seem all that attractive.

Coming from a large family, I know all about wearing things that don’t fit just right.  Long before Frenchys became fashionable, our house was a giant warehouse of used clothing.  The oldest occasionally got some new things to wear but for the rest of us, well, it was just “hand me down” city.  I distinctly remember wearing skates that were two sizes too big and having to stuff them with newspapers.  I’m glad that I was male and didn’t have to deal with bras.

And when we think of ultimate losers, when it comes to ill-fitting shoes, look no further than the trials and tribulations of Cinderella’s step sisters, Anastasia and Drizella.  Drizella?  How in heck could she ever become a princess with a name like that?

The Sound of Music ranks as one of my all-time favorite movies.  I know the lyrics of every song.  Surely you remember when Maria made clothes for the Von Trapp children using old drapes.  Maria was right into the recycling business long before it became fashionable.

I was reminded of this movie recently when a friend was explaining her musical debut as a child.  It was a concert held at her church.  She chose the song “My Favorite Things.”

Ah, the school concert where stars are born but more often than not, the place where many of us felt the first bitter tears of humiliation.  I remember performing in the play, “Rumpelstiltskin” and I was the one responsible for presenting the shiny gold coin made from straw.  Alas, when I put my hand in my pocket to extricate the coin, I had turned gold into thin air.

Back to my friend.  To add to the stress level of performing, she had the added pressure of wearing clothing that didn’t quite fit.  She had borrowed her older sister’s tights which were, by all estimates, about three sizes too large.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens …” She started out on key, with high expectations.  Could this be the start of something big?  “Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…” This is when she felt the tights start their slide over her backside and down her legs.  She gently tugged at them but as the song carried on, her patience wore thin; as the leggings seemed to have a mind of their own.  The aspiring actress was mortified as her efforts elicited chuckles, followed by snickers and then uproarious laughter from the audience.  Her singing career had come to an abrupt end.

Years later, with the passing of time and introspection, she was able to joke about this.  She changed the words just a bit and reprised her former hit song at a local watering hole:

“Girls in white tighties, with no damn elastic;

Made me look foolish as if I were spastic;

Wish I had never learned how to sing;

I’m over nylon, now spandex is king!”

Advertisement