Lofty Ambitions

Posted on March 31, 2013 under Storytelling with one comment

Singing has been a lifelong passion for me.  Both of my parents were musical, as were their extended families.  So I can’t take any credit for the meager musical talent that I possess.  It’s genetic but so is dentinogenis imperfecta, a somewhat rare tooth disorder that has plagued us and our offspring.  I looked it up and it is also called “hereditary opalescent teeth”.   There is nothing opulent about these teeth. So when it comes to DNA, you just have to take the good with the bad. At least that’s the tune I’m singing today.

Growing up, music is what we did in our spare time, when we weren’t on our knees saying decades of the rosary.  We sang at home at countless house parties.  My mother still has a collection of old tapes.  She loved to tape the sing-alongs, when the house and its participants were well lit.  I listened to them lately.  Waterboarding couldn’t be any worse.  We will bury them with her.  St. Peter will likely confiscate them and send them where they belong.  Eternally grant them rest, Oh Lord.

Several of us were in bands at different points in our lives.  And some of us, following a long tradition started by my father, have sung in church choirs.  I still do.  Let me take you on a trip up the spiral staircase to the choir loft.  Don’t pull on that hanging thick rope on the way up unless you plan to ring the church bells.

If you think that this is an especially spiritual place, think again.  It is more like a cross between Coronation Street, Fawlty Towers and Monty Pythons Flying Circus.  It is a soap opera unto itself with a cast of characters that begs for a reality show producer to come a calling.

One thing you must know about the choir loft and its denizens is that it is not a place of reverence.  Hidden from the steely glare of the parish priest, and far from the maddening crowd, the choir members have their own code of conduct.  Rule # 1: there is no code of conduct. While we are truly respectful of the sanctity of the sacraments, sometimes it is hard to stay focused on the Corinthians when there is gossip going around the loft.  

When we look down at the aging congregation , the white heads resemble a box of Q-tips. The box is emptying rapidly and not sure where the replacements will come from.

When we are singing, we are all about worship.  Unfortunately the singing comprises only about 10% of the mass.  That is a lot of idle time in the hands of the devil.  Gawking is another important pastime in the loft as we can see everything that’s going on.  I remember one midnight mass when a well-known tippler showed up.  On his way down the aisle, the pint of rum, carefully concealed in his arse pocket, fell out and smashed.  Rarely have I seen a grown man cry in church, on such a joyous night.  The loft was in hysterics.

If you have lofty aspirations, join your church choir.  The Lord and the devil will both sing your praises.

What goes on in the choir loft, stays in the choir loft.

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