Monday Morning Musings

Posted on January 24, 2022 under Monday Morning Musings with 3 comments

 

“Roses are red my love,

Violets are blue,

Sugar is sweet my love,

But not as sweet as you.”

Rose Are Red – Bobby Vinton

Valentine’s Day is only a few weeks away, so I thought a primer on romance was in order. Now if you’re happily married, you can book out and go watch an episode of Squid Games.

“What are you smoking, Len? Are you suggesting that you’re the next Ann Landers, dispensing advice on a subject you know little or nothing about?”

I know as much about romance as I do about cricket. Both of these things confuse me. All I know about cricket is that there 22 players on the field and that an average cricket match often lasts longer than a Hollywood marriage.

Many folks entering their golden years often find themselves without a mate. Maybe they have managed to remain single their entire lives or have lost a spouse. Others have experienced the pain (in some cases relief) of separation and divorce. Whatever the reason, many people decide to take another shot at love.

When we were kids, romance was so simple. Or so it seemed. You either found the person of your dreams at the bowling alley or at a Saturday night dance. For guys, it was our first experience with rejection and shaming. We circled the gym floor like a crow in heat, staring up into the bleachers, looking for that one unsuspecting girl who might deem you worthy of the last waltz. All too often (can you say ‘always’), that particular young girl had much bigger fish to fry than you. Getting “shot down” was humiliating but like everything else, you eventually got used to it and took up a more predictable and safer pastime like bronco bucking.

So, how in the world are older folks supposed to find love in the third period of life, especially in the middle of a pandemic?

Many have turned to online dating. Full disclosure. In order to pen this “advice” column, I had to do some scientific research so that I could speak with some authority. Truth be told, from what I can discern, most dating these days, in all age brackets, often starts on a dating platform.

After some stumbles and missteps, I decided to take some sage advice from a lovely woman who set me straight… after euphemistically stepping on her toes. She sent me some guidelines for online dating which I would like to share with you, my faithful readers. She was born in small town Canada.

Her words – not mine (With thanks to JM):

• I generally avoid those who have never been married or raised children. Marriage and children teach us flexibility. (And penury. My words)
• I tend to favour those with siblings because they grew up learning to share, compromise and consider others. (Unless the last piece of pie was in play)
• I tend to favour those from smaller places or cohesive communities – like the Prairies, the Maritimes, or any farming community because we have been raised to help and consider others in making our decisions (All the while being nosy and listening in on a party line)
• I favour those who remain close to their birth families (Close but 1000 kilometers apart seems to work well) because they were more likely raised in a loving home with good role models. Those with difficult childhoods are more likely to be damaged and have difficulty with close personal relationships.
• Kindness, trust, and shared humour are the basis to any successful relationship. (So are red wine and margaritas). The rest, for example, great sex (Don’t go there Len) shared interests (Bungee jumping), physical beauty etc are icing on the cake. Without the basics (Like coffee with Bailey’s), this cannot carry us in the long run.
• Being beautiful only counts in public (Some like me don’t look great in public or private so we don’t have to worry about that one). Once we get home, attractive is enough (I’m about a 3 out of 10 on a good day- I am prone to exaggeration) is good enough.
• Equal financial security is relevant in the sense that it protects our own financial security and affects the power dynamic in a relationship. (See item 1 – penury)
• Similar cultural backgrounds make life easier because it means we are more likely to have the same (low) expectations and play (Tarbish) by the same rules.
• Political attitudes are emblematic of our attitudes to life. Are we more open-minded or more motivated by fear? Thus, liberal folks are often better suited to liberals than conservatives and vice versa. (I have yet to find a suitable partner who shares the views of the Natural Law Party of Canada. C’mon. Yogic flying is for real).
• Attitude is everything (Unless it’s bad attitude). Does this other person have a sense of entitlement? (“I am entitled to my entitlements. DD. 2005). Are they judgmental? Cynical? (Gosh, why would anyone be cynical in 2022). Open-minded? A giver or a taker? Active or a couch potato? (I have never met a couch potato that I didn’t admire)
• It is difficult to get the measure of a person except with time- in various situations (Like mud wrestling) and interactions with others.

 

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen

It is also a truth universally acknowledged that a man who has raised four children will NOT be in possession of a good fortune!

Have a great week.