Scott Free

Posted on January 2, 2015 under Storytelling with one comment

Weathered old hands

Photo courtesy of Peter MacDonald

 

 

“The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:41 King James Bible

Seriously, when was the last time that you thought about your skin?

We cruise through life with nary a thought about our bodies.  We don’t often ponder the blood coursing through our veins, the purpose of fingernails or the function of the spleen.  We occasionally look at ourselves in the mirror just so we don’t forget what we look like.  When everything is firing on all cylinders, life is good and we take our bodies for granted.

However, throw in an abscessed tooth, a fractured arm or sciatica and you become acutely aware that your body is a fragile instrument.  And as the years pass, the aches and pains accumulate so that getting out of bed each day is an adventure.

I was a beach bum as a kid, spending every waking hour swimming in the ocean and scavenging the sandy beaches for shells, dead fish and other precious objects.  We were barely clothed and sunscreen hadn’t been invented.  And the ozone layer was still very much intact.  I took up golf and played a lot during my 45 year career.

To put it simply, I have spent a great deal of time in the sun over my lifetime and it has taken its toll.  During my annual checkup, my doctor noticed several spots on my hands.  They have been there for years but seem to have become more prominent lately.  She decided that they were worrisome enough that they should be removed with liquid nitrogen.  So, over a period of months, she painstakingly applied N2 from a small cup, using a Q tip.  Those of you lucky enough to go through this experience know full well that the application of liquid nitrogen is quite painful and leaves ugly red marks for days afterwards.

There was one spot on my face that caused my doctor to refer me to a dermatologist in Halifax.  I duly waited five months and travelled to the city to have the spot checked out.

I had been to see Scott 15 years ago and we recognized each other as he commenced his investigation.  “So, what have been up to all these years?” he queried.  “Well, the last time I saw you I had a full head of hair and a flaky scalp.  I no longer have an itchy scalp and as you can see, I also don’t have any hair.”  We compared notes and discovered that we had a lot in common, including running.

After a thorough examination, he meandered over into the corner.  He grabbed an enormous cylinder and began pouring its contents into an apparatus resembling a fire extinguisher.  I looked around to see if a sudden fire had sprung up in his office.  I then realized that the tank he was wielding was headed in my direction.  Before I had an opportunity to ask any questions, I was blasted with the icy cold cargo.  Face, hands, arms.  He left no stone, or in this case, spot, unturned.  He attacked me with the fervor of an NFL middle linebacker.

“There will be some red marks in the days to come” he volunteered.  I wondered if this might be problematic for any upcoming beauty pageants in which I was entered.  Or fashion shoots.  I thought of the new visage recently unveiled by Renee Zellwegger and wondered if my work would have similar results and reaction.

My return to the office the following day was met by stares.  My friend, Phil, is a beekeeper and some of the staff wondered if I had fallen headlong into one of his hives.  Feeling a bit self-conscious, I headed to the local pharmacy and asked for something that would mask the ugly spots.

The pharmacist, a native of Cape Breton, cheekily suggested I try some “Oil of Glace Bay”.

With any luck, I got off “Scott free” for at least another 15 years.