Stretching the Truth

Posted on May 12, 2013 under Storytelling with 2 comments

When was the last time that you listened to someone telling you a bold faced lie?  There’s probably a 50/50 chance that it was a politician on the campaign trail, shilling for your vote, prior to an election.  They will tell you anything to get you to vote for them.  And they will agree with anything you say.  If you told them that your mother was really your father, they would heartily endorse this surprising turn of events.

Historically, Pinocchio gets the rap as one of the biggest liars of all time.  He was somewhat prone to exaggeration and the fabrication of stories.  Caricaturists who employ a long nose in their political cartoons are making a point.

Right up there with Mr. Long Nose himself, we could add to the long list of people who often stretch the truth.  Some used car salesmen are notorious embellishers and many telemarketers would sell their first born to get you to say yes to their pitch.  And back in the ‘60’s, door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesmen were the ultimate hucksters.

Those of us who have raised teenagers have witnessed the truth standing on its head more than once. Where have you heard this conversation before?  “Where were you last night?”   “Out.”  “Who were you with?”  “Friends.”  “What did you do?”  “Nothing.”   These monosyllabic grunts do not necessarily qualify as lies.  However, if they volunteer one extra word, then you know that they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

I propose a few things that will save us a lot of time and effort.  The first one is a lie detector.  We should all be equipped with a portable lie detector apparatus.  I’m sure that mobile phone companies could develop an app for this purpose.  All you would have to do, when you got a whiff of lies or bullshit, is to pull out your phone, hold it in front of the offensive object (the liar) and it would immediately emit a beep.  This would save a lot of time and aggravation.

The other item is called Bullshit Repellent.  The moment you know you’re being snowed, simply remove the cap and spray it in the general direction of the aggrandizer.  Lay it on thick, just like he is doing. 

I was at my local convenience store the other day.  Two long-serving and affable clerks were manning the cash registers.  A well-known character was chatting them up.  He was, putting it politely, “giving them the gears”.  I pulled out my cell phone and showed them the picture of the can of Bullshit Repellent.  Can you imagine the pile of crap and lies they hear on a daily basis?  They immediately ordered a case as they thought they would need more than one can to get them through even one day at work.

And how about female bartenders?  They would likely go through a can just about every minute of their shift.

I believe that the motto of my old high school was “Veritas Vos Liberabit” which translated means, “The truth shall set you free”.  So will Bullshit Repellent.

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