Thursday Tidbits

Posted on August 19, 2021 under Thursday Tidbits with 2 comments

 

Mine eyes have seen the glory

 

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.”

Matthew (5:38 – 41)

Peek-a-boo. I see you. Or do I?

Welcome class to anatomy 101: Part 2.

I realize that it’s the summer and you have much better things to do than read every word I publish. The lure of the beach and beer is much more compelling than me droning on about the good old days, long walks and bad teeth. For context, please read my Monday post about my trip to the IWK Children’s Hospital with my granddaughter. https://www.week45.com/monday-morning-musings-415/.

Over the past two years, I have noticed subtle changes in my vision. Maybe a lifetime of winking at the fairer sex was finally catching up to me. I wondered if all of those walks in -40 degree weather in Kangiqsujuaq had frozen my eyeballs permanently. As it turns out, and to no one’s surprise, it is just another joyful sign of the aging process. Oh, god, Len. Please don’t go down that depressing rabbit hole about aging… again.

I realize that all of my readers don’t agree with me and my points of view all the time. While we may not see eye to eye on controversial subjects like residential schools, vaccine passports or the best ice cream at Koala Kone, we get along quite well. After all, most of the things I write about are things that you would write about if you weren’t so busy suntanning.

The New York Times Saturday puzzle is challenging to say the least. Rarely have I been able to complete it without one or two Google searches. When I arrived home at the end of May, the first thing I did was ask someone to get me Saturday’s Chronicle Herald so that I could do the puzzle. Are you suggesting that I am bone lazy? Why didn’t I get off my fat, lazy arse and just walk the 100 yards to the convenience store on the corner? I was quarantining. When I opened the paper and folded the page in half, I looked down and all of the clues looked odd. It wasn’t the content of the clues that had me slightly disoriented. I couldn’t see the damn things clearly. I waited patiently until Monday morning at 8:30 and called my optometrist to book an appointment. The earliest that I could be seen, as it turned out, was in mid-August.

I am happy to report that I had my appointment on Monday and doubly so because I discovered that my winking days are not over. I stared at pictures of my eyeball (actual pictures above) and was assured by my optometrist that my eye was quite healthy and that my diminished vision was normal. My diminished mental capacity? Now that is a totally different matter. The jury is till out but most of my friends (all 3 of them) are convinced that I was totally nuts to walk 77 kilometers to celebrate my birthday.

I knew that I wouldn’t be leaving the office without a new prescription for glasses.

Have you purchased glasses recently? If yes, then you know what’s coming next.

A lovely lady spent some time trying to find frames that might make me look younger and more charming. I realized that she only had an 8-hour shift, limited patience, and that she couldn’t dedicate all of her time for me. I put her out of her misery quickly. She produced four sets of frames. I liked the first ones that I tried. We both heaved a sigh of relief.

I realized that inflationary factors would have driven up the price of glasses in four years. I got my first inkling of this last week when I saw what the tooth fairy was paying out these days. When she gave me the total, the image of Tony Soprano appeared in my mind. I reckoned that Tony and his boys must control the production and supply of all the glasses in the world. For the 2% of you that don’t know who Tony Soprano is (was), he was a mob boss in the popular television show, The Sopranos.

Earlier that same day, I received a very pleasant surprise from CRA (Canada Revenue Agency). Pleasant surprises and CRA are rarely uttered in the same breath.  My expert tax filers had filed an adjustment on my tax return, and I received a rebate just north of $800. My joy was very short lived. Can you say “hours”?

“Would you like to pay half now and the other half when the glasses are delivered?’ I understand the psychology and practicality of that question, but the fact of the matter is that my bank account would be bereft of a heavy chunk of change in a few day’s time. After paying the full amount, I had just enough left to purchase a small cheese pizza from The Wheel Pizza and Sub Shoppe.

And I thought the tooth fairy was an extortionist.

Easy come. Easy go.

I tried to rationalize this in a way most of you could relate. Twenty-four hours earlier, I didn’t have the money from CRA. The way I chose to look at it after sharing my trauma with a friend (Thanks, BG for the unique perspective), I had just received a brand new pair of stylish glasses for free!

While the technician didn’t overtly try and upsell me transition lenses (the ones that go dark after you pay for the glasses!), she did casually mention it. I reckoned that if I had two teeth pulled and had a visit from the tooth fairy, that I could easily afford this upgrade.

I can’t give you any advice, dear readers, on buying new glasses. That would be a case of the blind leading the blind.

Have a great weekend.

P.S. The small cheese pizza was delicious!