Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom (And Whimsy)

Posted on January 29, 2025 under Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom with no comments yet

Going for a Guiness record

“Long may you run, long may you run,

Although these changes have come.”

Long May You Run – Neil Young

Your New Year’s resolutions are lying shattered on the floor like thin ice on a lake. You managed to lay off the sweets for three days and 14 minutes, but you knew that that one was a sham. Your exercise regime, though well intentioned, lasted marginally longer. Your vow to be more patient lasted until someone in front of you at the checkout took way too long deciding which lottery tickets to buy. Yes, indeed. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Sometimes, it’s better to play “the long game”.

We all remember those first job interviews we attended decades ago. You researched the job position to the nth degree. You were brimming with confidence as you strolled into the meeting in your bell-bottom jeans and oversized belt buckles. Everything went swimmingly until you faced the inevitable question” “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

Truthfully, you didn’t have the slightest clue what the following week held in store let alone gazing into the crystal ball. If we knew then what we know now we would likely have responded that we would be married, with three kids in shitty diapers, and hopelessly mired in debt.

A week ago, I was at school where I spend most of my waking hours these days. I was substituting for an English teacher, and he asked his students (mostly 13–14-year-olds) to write a brief story in their journals, listing 5 things they hoped to accomplish by the time they turned twenty. Finishing high school, getting their driver’s license, finding a good job and getting rich, topped the list.

As the room fell silent, I thought I would use the time to do a similar exercise. So, here is a list of the things that I would like to accomplish by the time I turn 80:

Stay alive until I’m 80. In order to achieve this goal, it will be imperative for me to look after myself. I will need to eat properly, exercise regularly, do stretching exercises, get plenty of sleep and stop watching CNN. Actually, I stopped watching CNN the first time Trump got elected. Why not watch something gentle and wholesome like Heartland instead of worrying yourself to death.
As long as I am well enough and have enough financial resources, I would like to continue to see other parts of the world. As I repeatedly tell my students, travel is THE best education.
I would like to perform at a concert with my children and my grandchildren on my 80^th birthday, similar to what we did when I turned 70. Honestly, there is no greater joy.
I would like to continue writing and if the stars align, to publish three more books bringing the total to a nice round 10.
I would like to continue to teach and become the oldest substitute teacher with the local school board. I will have to go some to catch the Guiness record holder who was 96 and still wandering the hallways!

I’m a big believer in writing down goals, something that I consistently tell students.

When is the last time that you made a list?

Last Friday was a momentous day. Admit it. We all overdid it at Christmas, eating and drinking with reckless abandonment. I received my share of chocolates. No. That’s an understatement. I received enough chocolate that would have made Willy Wonka proud. After gagging down one more piece on New Year’s Eve, I decided to do the prudent thing and freeze the rest. There were enough chocolates still remaining to almost fill a large Ziplock bag. Out of sight. Out of mind.

Not so fast.

While the imminent temptation was removed, I knew that the chocolates were only a scant few feet away. My strategy was to grab a few, every once in a while, to satisfy my cravings. A few grew to many, and the frequency was almost daily. I am proud to announce that the Ziplock bag now lies forlorn with my other used freezer bags.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?

Eating chocolates… with any luck!

Absurdity? Irony?

I am at a loss for the proper word.

A few weeks ago, I decided to make a minor change to my homeowner’s insurance policy. I came home from school a few days ago and my mailbox was bursting at the seams. I thought it might be a backlog of Christmas cards. Nope. My insurer sent me seven (7) envelopes confirming the recent changes to my policy. On the front of the envelopes in big bold letters was the following:

“WANT TO CUT DOWN ON PAPERWORK?”

To avoid a charge of slander, I will not mention the name of the company but take a gander.

“And isn’t it ironic?

Don’t you think?

A little too ironic,

And yeah, I really do think.”

Spot on, Alanis.