Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom (And Whimsy)

Posted on February 14, 2024 under Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom with 2 comments

 

Bar none

 

“Sugar in the mornin’,

Sugar in the evenin’,

Sugar at suppertime,

Be my little sugar,

And love me all the time.”

Sugartime – The McGuire Sisters

My addiction to sugar started in utero.

We’re all familiar with the expression about something leaving a bad taste in your mouth. Most often the expression is not literal. Yes, biting into a lemon wedge is cringe worthy and may leave you with a sour expression, unless this action is followed by a shot of tequila. More often than not, it is a life experience that leaves you wanting. A loss to a lesser opponent in a sporting event, a failed promotion at work, or the end of a relationship may have you running for Listerine. Listerine may kill 99.9% of germs that cause bad breath, but it won’t ameliorate hurt feelings.

My mother had a notorious sweet tooth. And she loved to bake. This is a devastating combination. Growing up as children, we had sweets at every dinner. In addition to doing multiple loads of laundry, baking bread, shopping, and house cleaning, she found time to make a homemade dessert. With ten of us, this was no mean feat. It must have been disheartening for her to slave away making two homemade apple pies and to see them evaporate at the hands of vultures.

Serious sugar cravings began when we started going to the Saturday matinees at the Capitol theatre. Armed with .50, our allowance for doing dishes and polishing our shoes before going to Sunday mass, we would march down to Main Street to catch the latest Western movie. The movie cost .37 which left us with .13. Across the street from the theatre was a small shop. Dot’s Confectionary was the Holy Grail for candy and, trust me, you could get a lot of candy for .13. It was normal to be able to get 5 candies for a penny. Licorice pipes were a tad more expensive. We would leave Dot’s with a small brown bag loaded to the gills with 65 candies – good news for the family dentist.

As a teenager, the most popular hangout was the bowling alley, simply referred to as The Alleys. There was a long railing in front of the building where we spent hours perched there, watching the world go by, listening to the gentle gurgling of the Brierly Brook just a few feet away. The Alleys boasted ten lanes and later on, a new vice was added to remove money from our meagre savings. A snooker/pool room became another place to hang out. However, the centerpiece of the bowling alley was the snack bar where they served the best milkshakes in the world, made from Eastern Dairyfoods ice cream and milk. They also had a candy counter, and you could purchase a Jos Louis (or a Caramel Cake) and a Coke for .25. For the uninitiated, a Jos Louis was a chocolatey cake with a creamy filling wrapped in a decadent chocolate coating.

For me, it has been a downward spiral ever since. I have kicked most vices including cigarettes but to this day, my addiction to sugar rages on.

Where do I start? How many of these do you remember? Oh Henry (a good way to lose a filling), Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp, Cherry Blossom, coconut bars, Bridge Mixture and caramel bars. How do they get the caramel inside those bars? The list is endless. There are days I wonder why I’m not 300 pounds. And don’t even get me going on chocolate. I have been known to decimate more than one row from a box of Pot of Gold at Christmas. Recently, our community was blessed with the arrival of a family from Syria. Their chocolate enterprise, Peace by Chocolate, has become an international sensation.

I was parked in front of the television recently, whilst in a sugar coma, after ingesting two, sickeningly sweet store-bought donuts. The usual ads rolled across the screen but one in particular caught my attention. This product is gaining in popularity as the newest weight reduction strategy. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to apple cider vegan gummies.“ Lean, green, and as far away as you can go from mean, our organic lean gummies harness all the healthy, digestion-boosting power of apple cider vinegar without any of the unpleasant, wince inducing sour taste.” Go figure.

Somewhere the proprietress of Dot’s Confectionary is rolling over in her grave.

I may have finally found a way to kick my sugar habit once and for all and lose a few pounds in the process. Probably not.

My lifelong love affair with sugar rages on.

Sugar. The sweet seductress.

“Sweet, sweet surrender,

Live, live without care.”

Sweet Surrender – John Denver

Happy Valentine’s Day.