Weenis Envy

Posted on October 22, 2013 under Storytelling with 2 comments

She knew this day would eventually come when she would have to have “the discussion” about the birds and the bees and body parts with her young son.  But she wasn’t quite ready.  Her own parents hadn’t discussed the topic very much when she was young.  She was clearly out of her comfort zone.  So when her boy came up to her one day and asked, “Mommy, where is my weenis?” she was reduced to a stuttering, stammering glob of humanity.

Much has changed over the years when it comes to educating children.  Back in the day, there weren’t a lot of useful textbooks to explain these types of things. Unless you consider the lingerie sections of the Eaton’s and Sears catalogues good reference material.  The sum total of sex education in high school for many of the boys was one, brief, forty minute lesson from the school principal.  We were herded into a classroom and imparted the “facts of life” while the girls were getting their earful from one of the Sisters.

The initial request for information from little Johnny was brushed off.  Parents develop this skill early on.  You just change the channel or distract the child with the offer of an ice cream.  The mother of the boy anguished about the question for days.  She went to the local library looking for age appropriate books.

She wondered how he could have possibly come up with the term “weenis”.   Back in her own childhood she had heard all of the slang expressions and figured that somewhere along the way, Johnny had become confused and simply blended the word wiener and penis to come up with this gem.  A smile crossed her face when she realized the humor in all of this.

That did little to remove the discomfort she was feeling as she girded herself to have the discussion with her firstborn.  She decided that she would wait until the weekend.  This turned out to be a bad idea. While Johnny waltzed through another carefree week at school, she stewed and brooded and occasionally broke out in a sweat wondering how she was going to explain things.

She did find a few anatomy books that would help her with the task at hand.  One book in particular was quite amazing as it showed the external and internal organs of the body vividly and graphically.  She had never seen the human body like this before.  And, not having been a biology whiz at school, there were names for body parts that even she had never heard of before.

Including weenis.

She stared in disbelief at a picture of a human elbow with the flap of skin that hangs from it.  “The medical term for the skin located on your elbow is olecranon skin” she read.  “The slang term for this flap of skin is the weenis …”   “So that’s what a weenis is’” she thought to herself.

She could hardly wait for little Johnny to come home and wore a short sleeve blouse for the show and tell session that was to follow.

Advertisement